Jesus rolled up the other day
Behaving in the American way.
He crossed the street when he saw a Black man,
And shook his finger at the immigrant,
He turned his water into beer,
And grabbed his waitress by the rear,
But he took a girl home, then called her a whore,
Cause he wanted cheap sex, and nothing more,
And she did too, and so they did,
But somehow she was full of sin.

Then Jesus saw a homeless guy,
And decided it’d be worth his while
To lecture him about bootstraps and such
And tell him he knew times were tough,
But his wallet was full, though his heart was not,
The lecture was all that homeless man got.

But American Jesus wasn’t done,
He’d heard some children died from guns,
So what do you think our Jesus did?
Bought gun-shaped pins for all his friends.

American Jesus lived many lives
And through some bloody brilliant lies,
Became the greatest con artist to ever live,
To take and take and never give.

He looked down upon everybody else,
And told them that they’d burn in hell
That he’d side with the one who’d send them there,
But don’t worry, he’ll send thoughts and prayers.